we were all riding in the car last night, october 30, 2008, looking for HALLOWEEN decorations. that’s a big deal (see previous entry). K/F are in the back seat, T is driving and i’m just riding along. T thinks he is being sneaky, having brought a handful of snack-size candy bars and surreptitiously unwrapping and eating them while driving.
K says, “dad, what are you doing?”
“nothing.”
“dad, what’s that noise?”
“nothing.”
“dad, what are you eating?”
“my dinner.”
“dad. . . . i smell candy.”
who gets points for winning that one?
ha.

He is attentive, generous with his time, helpful, engaged. He is the game-player, the wrestler, the ball-player. He excels at a game called CHASE. He makes up stories on demand. He turns the music up loud and quizzes k on BobDylan, JohnnyCash, BobMarley, and MickJagger. He loves to snuggle; lying with a child on his chest. He falls asleep first when putting k to bed.

When k was little, t would lament that k seemed to only want me (or rather, my milk). Now with f it’s the same and a little worse; she tends to scream for me and can smell me if I’m within 100 miles. I always thought: this too will change. They will grow and realize that he is so something worth wanting. They will start to say: Where’s dad? When is dad coming home? I want dad to read me stories. I want dad to put me to sleep. And indeed, that is what k says now. I imagine it will be the same as f grows.

He and I are very different and I am counting on him to expand their worlds like he did mine. So far, k is somewhat introverted and sensitive, as I am. I don’t want to change him into something different, but I want him to have exposure right now, every day, to another world view. . . . that life is big, beautiful, wide-open, full of experiences and people and food and places to be consumed.

I am lucky, I know, to have a partner in parenting. He doesn’t “babysit” k and f; he’s integral to their fun, their care, their sense of being and worth.