1yr girl September 25, 2008

1 yr girl (posted a little late)

she will stand; claps her hands and sits down.
she sits next to K, gazing up, puts hand on his knee.
throws head back, literally, and laughs.
wakes up and waves
loves to sit UP on things.
points at everything, very serious.
her bites hurt, but her pinches really hurt.
tickles herself and laughs.
tickles others, saying “tckl, tckl, tckl”
kisses with a wide open mouth.
often with a furrowed brow.
reserved joy.

i never wrote about her birth.
i was anxious of course.
a planned c-section has its own crazy surgery-related worries.
in addition to the regular old is-it-healthy worries.
we waited a long time for dr  to show up. but she’s well worth the wait.
i walked into the operating room and kind of freaked out.
it was so like . . . .surgery, and not like. . . .childbirth.
everything so sterile, so clean, so cold.
last time i didn’t walk in; i was wheeled in quickly and was so tired i didn’t notice much.
my bp dropped and i got really woozy and lightheaded and more scared.
the c-section was quick.
dr held up babe and said: Dad, do you want to announce it?
Dad, of course, had broken his glasses and without them couldn’t tell if babe was a Girl or a Boy.
he stood there, squinting at the babe.
dr said again, Dad. . . . ?
someone figured out it was a GIRL.
i was shocked.
they brought her around and positioned her 1 inch from my face.
with my arms and everything else taped down, i could only look at her through the corner of my eye.
she’s cute, i thought.

Making it to a year with a baby is very reassuring to me. And as of tomorrow, we made it. This little baby is such a joy, honestly such a joy. She is very attached to me, and her near-constant demonstrations of that attachment are very gratifying and joyous. Ok, sometimes a little wearying, but only sometimes. She will mold her small body to mine, burying her head in my neck, hanging on as if for dear life.  Now is the time to cut out the pumping and move her from our bed to her own. But I don’t want to. I don’t want to. K still comes in most nights, pillow in-tow and Cubby and a second pillow. . . . “That one’s for daddy.” And I love having them both there. I know, T and I need our bed back; we need to move forward. But I truly love having both of their warm bodies nestled close. This is going to be hard for me.

She is so engaging and engaged. Even strangers remark on that.

Having been somewhat lax in the solids department, we are now fast-tracking her to eating independence. Having had only purees up until this point, we’ve recently added finger foods, pieces of cheese and toast and some vegetables. We are trying the whole milk in a sippy cup. She’s doing better with the food than the milk.

Weaning. I am having a hard time deciding what to do. I do not want to stop nursing full-time. I DO want to stop pumping. I would like to continue nursing at night for certain and during the day if she wants it. However, I also feel like I should take care of myself by having a mammogram, as I’ve never had one and will be 42years on Sunday. So. What do to. Weaning K was not a problem. I don’t recall what we did, but it wasn’t a problem. I just stopped during the day and in the night, but kept the bedtime nurse. I didn’t have a problem with engorgement or anything. With F, I think that I might need to be more careful with the weaning (for myself), ie do it somewhat gradually.

I just need to say though that I love nursing. I love the closeness and that she is so happy. I love that she gets such comfort from it. I really don’t want to stop. So I’m going to slowly ease up and get her drinking cow’s milk. And then in a month or so, I can make my final decision.

At her 1year appt.
She originally weighed at 17 lbs, meaning she lost 2 lbs and was now at 7th percentile for weight. Being that, once upon a time, she had been in the 85% for weight, that was concerning, ie my heart jumped and my stomach fell. Her length was only 13%, but that is consistent with her past measurements. Dr came in to express surprise at the weight and re-weighed her. The resulting 19 lbs bumped her to XX% (can’t remember) and that is fine. Otherwise an uneventful visit. She has 2 cafe-au-lait spots and that is ok, but something to watch. We don’t want any more as that would be a marker for bad-things-to-come. But for today, NO BAD THINGS. I’m focusing on today. Really trying anyway.

4yr boy September 15, 2008

Well howdeedoo can you believe that? K is 4.

I remember that first year, just hoping to make it through the first year. His 3-week-old spinal meningitis scare; the antibiotics I.V. screwed into his little head. The second year, when he started saying things like: I know you don’t like it when I do this mom, but I just have to do it.   His third year, when he got the awesomest black eye at his cousin’s house–  when everyone was there except me. His fourth year when he became a big boy; there is just no baby in him anymore. A common response from him now: “Dumb,”  muttered under his breath. He was saying it quite a bit, so I asked him what it meant. He doesn’t know.

K has fairly recently turned into a big boy. He is now a preschooler, no doubt. His reasoning is more sound, his humor is more sophisticated, his expressions more expressive, his conversations multi-layered.

I don’t even know what to write about him. It’s not like writing about F, who is hitting obvious developmental milestones every other week. K just is. So let me try.

He still loves pink. He loves books, the library, bookstores. He still doesn’t really play with toys; his playthings continue to be people.  He has ramped up his imaginary play. He’s always had his friend Taba. She was gone for a while but is recently back. He talks to/plays with her and a slew of others, it seems, that I haven’t figured out yet. He will eat carbs and sugar but little else. Favorites are pancakes, toast/jam, peanut butter/jelly sandwiches, yogurt/blueberries, cereal and milk. Oh and honey on a spoon. Jelly on a spoon. You know, basically sugar on a spoon.

He talks a lot. He follows Grandpa around with a running commentary on what they’re doing, what they’re going to do, what they should  be doing. Grandpa tells him to put some wood on the woodpile and K comes back with a 15 minute explanation of why they should really put the wood in the FIRE-RING and not on the WOODPILE. My father can only say, ok, rendered otherwise slightly speechless.

He is still pretty shy around others. He is either silent or does goofy things. . . .like talk in a made-up language and perform odd acts of physical humor. But he simultaneously craves interaction. Often when we leave school, he will approach other parents. He won’t say anything, he will just wave his project at them. Occasionally, he’ll say something: “I made this.” “Today is my birthday.” ” This is my baby sister.” But often, he’ll just go stand by them, silent.

Last night was his birthday dinner at my parents. He was REALLY goofy all through dinner. I know, it was the third day of birthday celebrations, his cousins were there, he was being silly. However, I do so want him to be respectful and have manners, I need to figure out where to draw lines/boundaries for that type of thing. Ahhhh parenting.

He is very affectionate. He will frequently and randomly say, I love you. My favorite is when he, out of the blue, runs over to Grandpa, throws his arms around his neck and says, I love you, then runs away to continue playing. I think Grandpa is surprised every time and it makes me smile.

I’m not sure how he’s doing in school. I would love to be invisible and watch him. Is he quiet? does he play with others? who? is he silly and goofy there? is he nice? are other kids nice to him? He is such an odd/interesting mix of characteristics, that I can’t quite figure him out, ie predict his behavior.

I’ve really been working with him on appropriate social interaction, ie good social manners. We practice ahead of time and I give him reminders. If someone says hi, you can say hi back. If someone asks how you are, you can say fine thankyou. When you leave you can say goodbye. When someone does something nice you can say thankyou. He will occasionally follow through and then he says, Did you hear that mom? When xx said goodbye, I said goodbye back.

His temper. I think it’s getting better. I say that quietly, with some reserve, lest he prove me wrong, you know, tonight. I’ve been trying to be so so so so consistent with him. And not let him make EVERY choice. I think that is where we were going wrong. . . too many choices so that he started thinking that ALL choices were his to make. Not so, my friend, not so. And so now I say: This you don’t get to choose; this is my choice. I’m sorry if that makes you frustrated, but this is my choice. If you don’t listen to my choice, xxxxxxxconsequencexxxxx will happen. We’re getting there. I think.

Overall, he is so good, so sweet, so smart, so funny, so loving, so amazing.
I. Love. Him.